Jeyanth Joshua Goringe

Routine vs Flexibility

On sunday evening we went to Chrishan's church, to watch him get baptised. After the service, we went round to have dinner with him and the rest of the family. Nothing radical? Well, we took little Jeyanth with us. It never occurred to us not to! We left early to get home around 9.30pm, thinking that it would be a trivial matter to transfer the sleeping Jeyanth from the baby capsule into the cot for his usual long night's sleep.

Some tomato that turned out to be......

He screamed, took an extra feed, fell asleep several times in our arms, only to wake up screaming 30 seconds after being put down and was generally an uncooperative and unhappy little baby till finally falling asleep around midnight.

Now, 3 weeks ago, we would have taken this in our stride. But over the last week, a beautiful pattern had been emerging. Jeyanth would take his evening feed after his bath, have a cuddle, go to sleep, and then stay asleep till 4 or 5 in the morning. Occassionally, he'd make it through to 6-7am. We decided we were the luckiest parents on the planet.

Thank goodness he went straight back to his old routine last night!
So the choice seems to be between tampering with sleeping habits for which most parents would give away their superannuation, or never taking him out with us in the evenings.

Qualified babysitters apply within.

The Pianist

We watched 'The Pianist' (the Roman Polanski film) over the weekend. For those who don't know it, it is another harrowing potrayal of the Jewish experience during WWII. An excellent film.

Two thoughts:

First, I was overwhelmed by how much parenthood had increased my emotional range. I'm sure I'd have conceded this effect in the pre-Jeyanth days, but I had absolutely no idea of the absolute gut-wrenching magnitude. Every potrayal of child-suffering, every cry of a baby can hit you in the back of the throat like never before.

Second, I must fight, all day, every day, to the death if necessary, to make sure that nothing like that EVER happens again - at least in Jeyanth's lifetime.

Bridget Clare Higton

Mike and Hester have had their baby!

The baby blog is empty right now, but we expect cute pictures soon.

Inch Pebbles

On the subject of Jeyanth's little achievements, I don't think we've blogged his forays into speech. He started off a couple of weeks ago with 'Ah-Ooo', which as Katrina pointed out is a dipthong, and more than the average Australian accent can manage.

He has since added 'Ah-Goo' (first consonant), and raspberry blowing into his vocabulary. In fact, the raspberry is interactive, since you can get him to do it by blowing one yourself.

And his crowning acheivement to date is laughing out loud. And when you are peremptorily summoned to his cot by insistent wailing, you are rewarded with this hoot-gurgle, cunningly aimed at dispelling any annoyance that you may have been mustering...

Hands

There is increasing evidence that Jeyanth now knows something about his hands...

- a couple of days ago, he was able to knock over his toy dog when placed within reach
- a few times recently he has been caught with one hand in the other
- he's started sucking on his fist
- today, he managed to grab his toy beetle and put it in his mouth

In other news, he's settled into an almost-routine of sleeping 8-10 hours at night. It's not the best hours (he goes down between 6 and 8pm and sleeps till 3 or 4am), but it is a fairly consistent block of time when Sureka and I can eat (together!), talk (even about subjects other than Jeyanth), or even get an early night...

Will someone please take this baby?

Yesterday evening I had one of my "will someone please take this baby away" moments. Sureka was out for the evening, and he had been crying, except when being fed (and even some of that time) for a couple of hours.

At one point he appeared to have trapped wind, but was screaming so much that he was just making it worse. All he needed to do was calm down, for one minute, and all would be well. But, of course, he didn't know that. Then he was screaming for more milk, and so intent was he on making his request known that he didn't notice that there was a bottle teat in his mouth - until I pushed his mouth closed on it.

Three reflections - one grateful, one scary, and one profound ;)

Grateful - he isn't like this often. How on earth do parents cope when they really have a troublesome child? Single parents especially?

Scary - I understand how people end up shaking their baby, with all the harm it causes. Especially given point one. There but for the grace of God...

Profound - I knew what was needed to make him happy. If he would just cooperate with me I could make everything all right again. If I could just control him, for his own good, he wouldn't need to scream... Instead, we have to develop something much messier - communication, and from that, relationship. So, why doesn't God just fix all our problems?

Photos

Lots of new photos up on the main page. This is one of my favourites...

Good night, Bad night

Jeyanth seems to be slipping into a pattern of sleeping - alternating between good and bad nights. One night he will sleep through for eight to ten hours (after a 9pm feed), the next he will be up for feeds two or three times, and need settling a couple more time.

Of course, these things are relative - I know a lot of parents of 9.5 week old babies would consider two feeds overnight to be a good outcome, but we're spoilt!

Dedication

At Jeyanth's dedication service yesterday, I gave a short explanation of why we were having him dedicated and not baptised. If you are interested, read on...

You may be wondering why what is happening today is a dedication, and not a baptism. So I'd like to take just a minute or two to explain.

Baptism is the symbol used by the Church to represent the new life that we have in God, the 'life in all fullness' that Jesus came to bring. And there are two great truths about that new life - firstly, that before we are able to understand, God reaches out to us with the gift of life, and secondly, that God calls upon us to respond to his love by giving ourselves to him.

Because of these two truths, both of which are essential aspects of the Christian faith, throughout the history of the church, there have been two great traditions for baptism, the baptism of infants, and the baptism of believers, both of which are found within the Uniting Church.

When we baptize babies, as we saw just the other week, we are using the symbol of baptism to celebrate the first of these two truths, that God took the initiative, and gave Jesus for us long before we could understand - long before we were even born - and that God continues to give himself for us as a parent gives herself for a baby - giving even when the child can give nothing in return. In this tradition, the second truth, the call to the individual to respond to the love of God, is expressed in the confirmation service, where the child or adult confirms for themselves the promises made on their behalf.

Sureka and I have chosen to follow the tradition of believers baptism, in which baptism is used as symbol of the response of the individual to God's love. If and when Jeyanth chooses to be baptized, he will be declaring for himself that he wishes to follow Jesus. But in this tradition, too, there must be recognition of the first great truth, that God loves Jeyanth, and has given everything for him, years before he will be able to understand.

And so, in a service of dedication we give thanks to God for the gift of Jeyanth, and we, as parents, god-parents, and as a congregation, take vows that we, with God's help, will so live together in the love of God that Jeyanth, and all the children amongst us, will understand and respond to that love.

Normal service will be resumed

Regular blogging has been on hold over the last few days as Jeyanth has been spending all his time with his English grandparents and great-grandfather. Normal service, including photos and reflections on his dedication service, will resume soon(ish).

Vaccinations Update

He whinged all night, and none of us got a lot of sleep.

24 hours on, however, he seems happy again.

Vaccinations

Jeyanth had his second set of immunisations this morning. He had polio drops, an injection for diptheria, tetanus, whooping cough and Heb B, and another for Haemophilus influenzae type b (Hib). The injections were one on each thigh, given into the muscle.

He appears to be coping reasonably well. He screamed when the needles went in, but quietened down not long afterwards and had his breakfast bottle. Side effects can include fever, unsettledness and drowsiness. So far (its mid afternoon now), he's been OK apart from one hour of distressed crying at around 2pm.

The side effects are not supposed to last more than 24 hours, so lets hope he's back to his cheerful self for granny, grandad and great-grandad's arrival tomorrow.

Unrequited Love

Does Jeyanth know that I'm a person? Does he know what 'person' means?

What does Jeyanth know of me, other than as a bundle of colours, smells and sounds that he associates with food and comfort? I'm sure he knows that he needs me, he certainly makes it known when he wants me to come, and he responds to my presence. But to what extent does he know that I love him?

Is it not strange that it is possible to have the kill-for/die-for type of love that parents feel under these circumstances?

My son can hardly be said to love me, for surely his complete dependance and utter vulnerability puts his response towards me outside the realms of his will. He trusts me and needs me, but right now, he can offer me nothing.

Nothing, that is, other than the experience of pure, heart-stopping joy.

I find myself wondering why we humans have this capacity to love joyously, when love means giving without return, endless toil, sacrifice and often heartbreak. Looking past the banal cobwebs of evolutionary psychology, it dawns on me that never before have I truly understood why we call God 'Father'.

New Photos

New photos here

Sleep...

Celebrating our first morning after Jeyanth slept not just 8 hours, but the right 8 hours.

He slept from 11pm last night to 7am this morning, and this time we slept through as well.

Hurray - lets hope this is the first data point in a trend...